Saturday, December 22, 2001
Well now that I'm getting pissed off because of this dang computer my day is getting so much better. It seems not to want to keep my windows up, or let me copy the things I'm typing before they close. This is the 4th time I've tried to write. Well yeah I have an incredible headache right now. And it feels like my head is going to explode. And I've felt like throwing up all day long. Oh and you can't forget that I can't walk properly. Its mainly from lifting weights yesterday, we did most of the things on our legs, which we haven't done in awhile. So I think thats whats its mostly from. But hey I'll live.
Ya know it ceases to amaze me how everytime I get sad or something bad happens, the song "bad day" by fuel, comes on. Kind of like earlier tonight. Michelle said she would call me today so I of course waited. I even waited till after 10:30 p.m. to come get on the computer. And well after friends at 10:30 I turned off the tv and turned on the radio that song came on. And I of course I couldn't help but cry. I really couldn't. I talked to Michelle last night, and when we got off I told her well I'll probably talk to you when school starts back up, and she said no and that she'd call me tomorrow (which she didn't). She leaves next week to go skiing and after they get done skiing they are going to Louisiana, and they won't be back till the day before school starts. And I'm going to dad's tomorrow for x-mas, and then on sunday we're going with our mom to our aunts house for x-mas. So I won't be here. And of course we probably won't talk on monday since its christmas eve and all. And she'll be packing the day after x-mas. But hey if she does talk to her friends it won't be me, she'll probably call Bekah or Shanna, not me. So uhh.. yeah like always that song makes me cry or makes me think of things that makes me mad.
But as for yesterday. Michelle gave me back my poems. And I got really pissed that morning too. Well see I was sitting across from Tonya, Michelle was on my right and Bekah on my left, and Miranda (came a little later in the conversation though) and Shanna were on the other corner of the table. But anyways, well all the sudden Bekah asks Tonya, "hey are you coming to the Poss's tomorrow?" She said "What are you talking about" Bekah was like didn't Miranda tell you?" Then Michelle goes "yeah party at my house" or something close to that. And Tonya was like "no, Miranda hasn't really talked to me much lately." And Michelle and Bekah both disagreed. And of course both Tonya and I said something about that. I said right and you say talking is blowing her off. And Tonya said "that one day I tried to tell her about when my dad kicked me out of the car the day before, and she like snapped my head off, and said no I don't." Then Tonya said "no I can't come because I'm grounded." And well Miranda had just got there and basically got the part where she couldn't come, and of course Tonya told the story again, since they weren't really listening when she told me and someone else. So then Miranda covers her mouth with her hand, and goes "so since she can't some do you want Dana to come?" and that was to Bekah by the way. And Michelle knew what was going on. And it really pissed me off. Cause she pretty much pretended like I wasn't even there for the whole conversation. She says she wants me to do things with her. But yet she does that. They were having some get together to exchange x-mas gifts. I'm not going to take all of that personal from the 3 of them. But still I thought that is was kind of absurd. You know I was trying so hard not to say anything I just kind of looked off the whole time, or I looked down. I was so pissed at the time, and I got even more pissed when Bekah goes, "Michelle I need to talk to you when we leave the library." And no I don't know if she wanted to talk about me or not, but I think its a possibility. But hey I got over it. And Rachel made my day, by giving me a 1/2 pound box of hot tamales and a card which she wrote a note that made me happy. Cause she said she was glad that I am in most of her classes (5 of them) cause she wouldn't have anyone to hang out with. And that she is glad that we have became better friends. It totally cheered me up, cause I'm back that we are friends again. But we never really weren't friends, we just didn't talk much last year. But yeah then later I was going to my locker, and walked past Miranda and I said hey, and she said Dana was looking for me, but I thought she said Daniel. Which confused me, so I was like Daniel? and she said NO Dana. So ok, yeah I went and found Dana. She gave me a card with a lottery ticket in it (I didn't win), and a little bottle of lotion. And in the card she wrote something to give me courage (or inspiration I guess you could say), which I appreciated. And later Coach Hancock gave the whole JV team little Boyd angel bears, which were really cute. So really those are the only real christmas presents I have gotten or will get, cause I know I'm not getting anything else real for x-mas, just money I think. Which is going to Meghann's wedding, for my dress, etc. And a new computer, and what I have left I'll probably buy later x-mas presents. I'm serious I don't even have presents for my own family. I don't have much of the holiday spirit this year.
Michelle still hasn't said anything at all referring to the letter I wrote her or my poems. We?ve even talked on the phone, which is why I called her last night, but I thought that somehow it might upset her, and then make her sad before x-mas which I don?t want so I didn?t bring it up even when she told me to talk, and then asked why I called if I didn?t want to talk. Which my lame excuse was that I didn?t really want to talk about anything that would make me mad, which is true, so well that brought up something for me to talk about cause she asked like what? Ya know mom, B and Kyle the usual stuff. But yeah like I said before I?m patient so she can take her time, but preferably not too long yeah ya know like 3 weeks after I wrote her, I would like her to get back to me by atleast the first week back to school. Cause after that I might get really upset. Cause I mean she had a week before the holidays but she had to study for finals so thats an exception but she has today and tomorrow. But those are also exceptions cause she preparing to go skiing, so she was shopping, and then of course I don?t care what she does cause I don?t want her to worry over me over the holidays. But ya know I would like to know what she thinks. But hey whenever is fine, I don?t really put time limits up, cause that?s dumb, but hey I don?t like it to be longer than it really has to be. Cause I want to solve this problem so neither of us have to worry about it. Blah Blah Blah, I?m ranting. Sorry.
Well yeah I hope everyone has great holidays. And hopefully its snows more in the skiing areas so everyone CAN go skiing, including my mom and B, cause then I have the car and the house pretty much to myself. Which means I can relax more. Well most of the time atleast. I?ll be at home bored unless, I help a out Meghann with her ?soon to be house.? Well for awhile I have just been a bridesmaid. But Meghann informed me that I?ll probably be her maid of honor. Well I probably would have been in the first place, but?. she promised Stephania along time ago that she would be her maid of honor, cause they were best friends, but then Steph moved and she has changed a lot, and is really rude now. So Meghann doesn?t want her in the wedding any more. So she will find some way to get her out of it, she just doesn?t want to be rude, but will probably will have to be in the end. And another thing is, is that Steph refuses to help with the wedding or anything else at all. Shes not even a friend anymore. And she was going to be the m.o.h, but her own family refused to come to the wedding. They?ve all changed a lot. And these are all my words, these pretty much ALL came from Meghann. But anyways, so if I?m not at home being bored I?ll be helping Meghann. And I?m really excited to be in her wedding, whether or not I?m a bridesmaid or a m.o.h. I was this excited before I even knew she wanted me to be in her wedding. I?m really happy for her, she deserves it. Her and Scott are made for each other, you should see them they are so cute together. Oh by the way so you don?t forget, I?m helping her as a friend, and also cause shes getting married in about 3 months. And she also needs someone to keep her going cause her fiancé will be out of town for 3 weeks in Taiwan (mission trip), so I am doing what any good friend would do, be there for her in time of need.
Well I think that pretty much sums it up for today, and I know I will for sure have a lot to say on Monday, cause I?ll have my x-mas thing done then.. Happy Holidays to everyone.
----------------Erin
Modified Dec 22, 2001 2:10 AM EST
Ya know it ceases to amaze me how everytime I get sad or something bad happens, the song "bad day" by fuel, comes on. Kind of like earlier tonight. Michelle said she would call me today so I of course waited. I even waited till after 10:30 p.m. to come get on the computer. And well after friends at 10:30 I turned off the tv and turned on the radio that song came on. And I of course I couldn't help but cry. I really couldn't. I talked to Michelle last night, and when we got off I told her well I'll probably talk to you when school starts back up, and she said no and that she'd call me tomorrow (which she didn't). She leaves next week to go skiing and after they get done skiing they are going to Louisiana, and they won't be back till the day before school starts. And I'm going to dad's tomorrow for x-mas, and then on sunday we're going with our mom to our aunts house for x-mas. So I won't be here. And of course we probably won't talk on monday since its christmas eve and all. And she'll be packing the day after x-mas. But hey if she does talk to her friends it won't be me, she'll probably call Bekah or Shanna, not me. So uhh.. yeah like always that song makes me cry or makes me think of things that makes me mad.
But as for yesterday. Michelle gave me back my poems. And I got really pissed that morning too. Well see I was sitting across from Tonya, Michelle was on my right and Bekah on my left, and Miranda (came a little later in the conversation though) and Shanna were on the other corner of the table. But anyways, well all the sudden Bekah asks Tonya, "hey are you coming to the Poss's tomorrow?" She said "What are you talking about" Bekah was like didn't Miranda tell you?" Then Michelle goes "yeah party at my house" or something close to that. And Tonya was like "no, Miranda hasn't really talked to me much lately." And Michelle and Bekah both disagreed. And of course both Tonya and I said something about that. I said right and you say talking is blowing her off. And Tonya said "that one day I tried to tell her about when my dad kicked me out of the car the day before, and she like snapped my head off, and said no I don't." Then Tonya said "no I can't come because I'm grounded." And well Miranda had just got there and basically got the part where she couldn't come, and of course Tonya told the story again, since they weren't really listening when she told me and someone else. So then Miranda covers her mouth with her hand, and goes "so since she can't some do you want Dana to come?" and that was to Bekah by the way. And Michelle knew what was going on. And it really pissed me off. Cause she pretty much pretended like I wasn't even there for the whole conversation. She says she wants me to do things with her. But yet she does that. They were having some get together to exchange x-mas gifts. I'm not going to take all of that personal from the 3 of them. But still I thought that is was kind of absurd. You know I was trying so hard not to say anything I just kind of looked off the whole time, or I looked down. I was so pissed at the time, and I got even more pissed when Bekah goes, "Michelle I need to talk to you when we leave the library." And no I don't know if she wanted to talk about me or not, but I think its a possibility. But hey I got over it. And Rachel made my day, by giving me a 1/2 pound box of hot tamales and a card which she wrote a note that made me happy. Cause she said she was glad that I am in most of her classes (5 of them) cause she wouldn't have anyone to hang out with. And that she is glad that we have became better friends. It totally cheered me up, cause I'm back that we are friends again. But we never really weren't friends, we just didn't talk much last year. But yeah then later I was going to my locker, and walked past Miranda and I said hey, and she said Dana was looking for me, but I thought she said Daniel. Which confused me, so I was like Daniel? and she said NO Dana. So ok, yeah I went and found Dana. She gave me a card with a lottery ticket in it (I didn't win), and a little bottle of lotion. And in the card she wrote something to give me courage (or inspiration I guess you could say), which I appreciated. And later Coach Hancock gave the whole JV team little Boyd angel bears, which were really cute. So really those are the only real christmas presents I have gotten or will get, cause I know I'm not getting anything else real for x-mas, just money I think. Which is going to Meghann's wedding, for my dress, etc. And a new computer, and what I have left I'll probably buy later x-mas presents. I'm serious I don't even have presents for my own family. I don't have much of the holiday spirit this year.
Michelle still hasn't said anything at all referring to the letter I wrote her or my poems. We?ve even talked on the phone, which is why I called her last night, but I thought that somehow it might upset her, and then make her sad before x-mas which I don?t want so I didn?t bring it up even when she told me to talk, and then asked why I called if I didn?t want to talk. Which my lame excuse was that I didn?t really want to talk about anything that would make me mad, which is true, so well that brought up something for me to talk about cause she asked like what? Ya know mom, B and Kyle the usual stuff. But yeah like I said before I?m patient so she can take her time, but preferably not too long yeah ya know like 3 weeks after I wrote her, I would like her to get back to me by atleast the first week back to school. Cause after that I might get really upset. Cause I mean she had a week before the holidays but she had to study for finals so thats an exception but she has today and tomorrow. But those are also exceptions cause she preparing to go skiing, so she was shopping, and then of course I don?t care what she does cause I don?t want her to worry over me over the holidays. But ya know I would like to know what she thinks. But hey whenever is fine, I don?t really put time limits up, cause that?s dumb, but hey I don?t like it to be longer than it really has to be. Cause I want to solve this problem so neither of us have to worry about it. Blah Blah Blah, I?m ranting. Sorry.
Well yeah I hope everyone has great holidays. And hopefully its snows more in the skiing areas so everyone CAN go skiing, including my mom and B, cause then I have the car and the house pretty much to myself. Which means I can relax more. Well most of the time atleast. I?ll be at home bored unless, I help a out Meghann with her ?soon to be house.? Well for awhile I have just been a bridesmaid. But Meghann informed me that I?ll probably be her maid of honor. Well I probably would have been in the first place, but?. she promised Stephania along time ago that she would be her maid of honor, cause they were best friends, but then Steph moved and she has changed a lot, and is really rude now. So Meghann doesn?t want her in the wedding any more. So she will find some way to get her out of it, she just doesn?t want to be rude, but will probably will have to be in the end. And another thing is, is that Steph refuses to help with the wedding or anything else at all. Shes not even a friend anymore. And she was going to be the m.o.h, but her own family refused to come to the wedding. They?ve all changed a lot. And these are all my words, these pretty much ALL came from Meghann. But anyways, so if I?m not at home being bored I?ll be helping Meghann. And I?m really excited to be in her wedding, whether or not I?m a bridesmaid or a m.o.h. I was this excited before I even knew she wanted me to be in her wedding. I?m really happy for her, she deserves it. Her and Scott are made for each other, you should see them they are so cute together. Oh by the way so you don?t forget, I?m helping her as a friend, and also cause shes getting married in about 3 months. And she also needs someone to keep her going cause her fiancé will be out of town for 3 weeks in Taiwan (mission trip), so I am doing what any good friend would do, be there for her in time of need.
Well I think that pretty much sums it up for today, and I know I will for sure have a lot to say on Monday, cause I?ll have my x-mas thing done then.. Happy Holidays to everyone.
----------------Erin
Modified Dec 22, 2001 2:10 AM EST
