Desperately Seeking Truth

Well huh... Today has just been just plain blah. I guess sort of more cheery than yesterday though. However, I didn't talk much to Michelle or Miranda. I talked to Dana as much as I could though, I love her alot, she is just such a cool girl. I KNOW Michelle knew there was something up when I didn't talk to her, plus I wrote a letter to her Friday that said something to the fact that I was getting pissed cause my plans for Friday were ruined and more than likely the rest of the weekend too. Which ended up being true which you've noticed already. So well I don't know I probably won't see her before I go unless, its Thursday afternoon, or Friday at graduation. Cause right now or starting tomorrow we're doing our finals, so we will both have different times on everything. So well I don't know what I'm going to do, I think I'm going to sit her down after the tests and have a serious talk with her, cause there are other things I need to get off my chest before I leave. But anyways, like I said I have had a better day today. I took Lacey down in the hallway at lunch, she put her arm around my neck sort of like a headlock, and I turned her around and sort of took her legs out from under her and she went to the ground, but I fell on top of her though, but she went down first. Then she still had ahold of me, so I started tickling her, it was really fun, everyone around us was watching us. They probably think we're lesbians or something, cause thats just how our dumb-ass school is, spreading rumors and stupid shit like that. But I don't care cause I was having fun, and I really think its funny what all people say about me. But yeah I'm finally getting everything calmed down or sort of back to normal with all my senior buds (Diana, Lisa, and Lacey), we are all talking now. Well me and Lisa are sort of we don't really have alot to say really. But Lacey and I hung out all afternoon today, we just rode around town, and played with her kittens, and hung out at my house for a little bit, and then we had to go to the Athletics banquet thing. I had fun, especially since Amanda was sitting straight across from me, I mean on the other table across from me, but to where we had direct eye contact. The whole night we kept watching each other, she would catch me watching her, and I would catch her, but I would catch out of the corner of my eye, cause I wanted to see how long she was watching me. Truely neither one of us has done anything to each other, just we've changed so much, and never talk cause of no classes together, our entire friendship has gone straight to shit. And its just way to awkward being together (even 5 feet away), we just avoid each other. And yeah I watch her all the time, I am always trying to see if shes happy or not, which I can always tell cause I've known her so long, and I know her personality so well, or atleast I used to. But sometimes if shes in range, I listen to her conversations just so I can hear her voice. I miss her so very much, yet shes just right there in front of me. You know the saying "So close, yet so far away." That would be it, I miss our friendship alot, I still can't quite put my finger on it yet, but there is something about our friendship that was just so great, that just makes my heart ache beyond belief, it hurts alot. I would try but I think everything is just so far gone between us, that it is nearly impossible, and probably beyond repair. Well anyways, oh and being recognized at the banquet was very fun. I got a certificate playing volleyball, track, and softball. And then I got to go up there while Coach Molk, recognized the varsity softball players, (which only the varsity teams got to go stand up in front while our coaches talked and introduced us and announced our achievements). So it made me special, plus I was wearing my mom's high school ring on a necklace, so some people probably were like "Whoa, does Erin have a junior or senior boyfriend now, or something" or "Whose ring does she have, I didn't know she had an older boyfriend." Or if they didn't its still fun to think that, cause once again it would be once again another dumb rumor about me. But yeah I also felt good, cause I got to sort of brag but not by speaking, and I lettered my freshman year, which was my goal, so I was pretty happy, oh and also I was on varsity, and lettered my freshan year, and Amanda didn't an she got to watch me go up there every time, I hope I made her jealous or atleast mad, to know that little Erin did and got something better than her. She really truely hates me but oh well, do I really care? No, not really. Anyways, to tell you of the many latest rumors about me, I smoke weed, I get drunk every weekend (not true never smoked anything at all, and I've never been drunk, most I've ever done is maybe drink like 2 or 3 winecoolers which did nothing at all to me, not even a buzz), I went on a date last weekend, the guy tried to kiss me and spit on me on accident, I'm going out with Diana's brother Randy (also the guy in the ones above)(we all went bowling together, me, Diana, Randy and Brandon, Randy just invited me to go so Diana and I would start talking again, which worked by the way), uhh.. now they probaby think I'm a lesbian, (oh and by the way, so you know, the kissing thing is definately not true, I've never kissed a guy at all, not even on the lips, and no guy has tried to kiss me anyways}, hmm... theres probably more, which if I think of them, I'll write them in another entry. Well its getting late and like I said I have finals tomorrow, so I better go now.

Sore jamatta,
------Erin

P.S.
Tracey try not to do your diary at 2 in the morning again, I think it helps to get sleep, lol, no j/k do what you want, and I really will miss you after you graduate!!!!!

Modified May 21, 2001 11:46 PM EDT