Friday, April 05, 2002
Ok so well here is the deal, what I told you I would tell you later.
Ok well I think I have made a really, really, major decision in my life. I mean this is huge. I have had numerous things to help me make this decision. Well I guess your wondering what it is. So well here it is, and trust me I know that it is quite a different and shocking decision. Well I have finally come to accept the fact that I am bisexual. And well thats just the fact, that is who I am. And well yeah like most people that find out, oh wow I'm gay, it is shocking. Yeah I do like guys alot, but I've been finding myself being more attracted to girls. And for me I don't think that this is just a phase. But anything is possible.
And see well that isn't really the problem. Its the fact that for a couple of months (2 1/2 or so) I have really started to see my best friend as well more than a friend. And well she doesn't know this. And I really really want to tell her. But I don't want things to change between us. Well I have been flirting with her alot, but she doesn't really seem to notice. I mean flirting as in like hugging her, playing with her hair, staring into her eyes constantly, and well on the way home from a softball game that we went to we (like 6 other people as well) we were laying on the floor of Shanna's van watching a movie, and I laid my head on her (my friend) leg, and on the way up there thats what I did to, except on the way back I had my hand on her thigh and I kept rubbing fingers back and forth on her leg. So well I don't know. Its a little ironic because I've been thinking about my decision alot lately and it kind of distracts me sometimes during softball and she can tell about it, as well as my other friend (Amber). And I wrote her a letter last week telling her that I want to talk to her about something. But well basically through all of the time we spent that week I couldn't ever get the courage up to tell her about it when she asked me what I wanted to tell her. So well its ironic because, I wrote her a letter last night, and told her the situation, but not saying who it is just "this person." And I told her how I feel about this person. And she wrote me back today and told me that she thinks that this person deserves to know, so I should tell them. Well yeah, so uhh... yeah she thinks I should tell them, but thats just because she probably doesn't know its her. If she did know I'm sure she would say something differently. I want to tell her, and see what happens. But I'm like 99.9% sure that she is straight. And I also don't want to tell her right now, cause she kind of has a relationship growing with a boy from her church. So well thats my conflict. And its driving me crazy cause I want to be with her so bad. But well I think I will eventually tell her the "whole story," or maybe she'll figure it out. But I guess well I'll find out then. But as for now I am going to go to bed. C-ya later.
-------------Erin
Modified Apr 5, 2002 12:46 AM EST
Ok well I think I have made a really, really, major decision in my life. I mean this is huge. I have had numerous things to help me make this decision. Well I guess your wondering what it is. So well here it is, and trust me I know that it is quite a different and shocking decision. Well I have finally come to accept the fact that I am bisexual. And well thats just the fact, that is who I am. And well yeah like most people that find out, oh wow I'm gay, it is shocking. Yeah I do like guys alot, but I've been finding myself being more attracted to girls. And for me I don't think that this is just a phase. But anything is possible.
And see well that isn't really the problem. Its the fact that for a couple of months (2 1/2 or so) I have really started to see my best friend as well more than a friend. And well she doesn't know this. And I really really want to tell her. But I don't want things to change between us. Well I have been flirting with her alot, but she doesn't really seem to notice. I mean flirting as in like hugging her, playing with her hair, staring into her eyes constantly, and well on the way home from a softball game that we went to we (like 6 other people as well) we were laying on the floor of Shanna's van watching a movie, and I laid my head on her (my friend) leg, and on the way up there thats what I did to, except on the way back I had my hand on her thigh and I kept rubbing fingers back and forth on her leg. So well I don't know. Its a little ironic because I've been thinking about my decision alot lately and it kind of distracts me sometimes during softball and she can tell about it, as well as my other friend (Amber). And I wrote her a letter last week telling her that I want to talk to her about something. But well basically through all of the time we spent that week I couldn't ever get the courage up to tell her about it when she asked me what I wanted to tell her. So well its ironic because, I wrote her a letter last night, and told her the situation, but not saying who it is just "this person." And I told her how I feel about this person. And she wrote me back today and told me that she thinks that this person deserves to know, so I should tell them. Well yeah, so uhh... yeah she thinks I should tell them, but thats just because she probably doesn't know its her. If she did know I'm sure she would say something differently. I want to tell her, and see what happens. But I'm like 99.9% sure that she is straight. And I also don't want to tell her right now, cause she kind of has a relationship growing with a boy from her church. So well thats my conflict. And its driving me crazy cause I want to be with her so bad. But well I think I will eventually tell her the "whole story," or maybe she'll figure it out. But I guess well I'll find out then. But as for now I am going to go to bed. C-ya later.
-------------Erin
Modified Apr 5, 2002 12:46 AM EST
